Nairobi clubs are cool but the happenings there can be tricky. Male desperation reigns, female brilliance oozes, alcohol flows and the massive tunes bang. People go to clubs for various reasons but my main focus today is the ladies. I’ll get started right away. Here are 6 ladies you’ll always encounter at a Nairobi club.
1.The lady looking to get laid.
She won’t admit it but getting laid is her sole goal at the club. She can be categorically placed into #TeamThirsty. Throughout the week she has been unable to find any guy who aligns to her angle of thought or desire so she goes to the club, full of hope. This is always the lady that says she doesn’t like relationships, yet the dry spells often overwhelm her . Once in a while she will insist on going to the club alone so that her friends don’t interfere. Before she’s even drunk, you’ll find her setting off with a lucky member of #TeamMafisi. Pray for this sister please.
Under this category there’s also the DJ or celeb groupie. She’ll spend the whole night trying to get with the DJ or a guest artiste who’s performing at the club.. Her determination to bang the big shot is unrivaled and fortunately for her, she will most likely end up there. I won’t forget the hooker too. Hookers are always there if you look keenly.
2.The thief
Trust me. They are so many nowadays. They have multiplied in numbers like followers of cult hero Joe Carole. The thief is often dressed to kill and knows her trade well. Her Queen Bee thighs and Vera Sidika behind will make you pull up to her bumper without a second thought. Either she will steal from you there and then or she will go with you and steal later while you are deep in slumber.
If she intends to steal from you at the club, she will whine for you like a ‘mamacita’ from Kingston, shifting all your thinking from your head to your other ‘head’ in the process. A friend of hers will join the dance and before you know it, wallet and phone gone. Her friend will then disappear and when you realize your valuables are missing, she will sympathize with you like a good wife. There are many other tricks involved.
3.The teaser
She might be the broke girl. She just needs a few drinks to help her unwind but she really doesn’t have the money, so she’ll use the strength of a woman. As a gentleman or man seeking a chips funga, you buy her the drinks. However, she respects herself enough o not sleep with anyone. She will find ways to evade you after she has had enough drinks. She’ll pretend to go to the washrooms or pick a call outside then you won’ see her again. Your bad investment now haunts you.
Or you might also encounter the tease that dances with her friends. She might e be a cheeky snog with other girls and basically puts on a full erotic dance for the amusement of the lads. Aside from the fact that these attention seekers are never going to go home with a guy, they’re pretty much entertaining.
4.The lady looking to have genuine fun
She’s a student or maybe a professional. She came with her girls to dance the night out and have some crazy memorable fun. She will drink herself to incapacitation knowing that her friends are there for her so she can’t get ‘bebwad’ by a man. At the dance floor, she will only give you mild tastes but you won’t get anything more than that.
Sometimes she’s with her boyfriend. Your attempts to dance with her will end up in quarrels and fights as a guy probably shorter than you will turn you around and pretend to yell at you ‘Love and Hip Hop style.’
She might also be club newbie, probably a first year in some campus. She stands out in a crowd like a light skin in Sudan. She usually has that bewildered look on her pretty face. She dances like an amateur trying to perfect the latest trends..
5.The veteran
She knows every club in Nairobi. All the DJs and bouncers are her friends. She’s no longer appealing as you can feel she’s too out there. You can clearly tell she has had her fair share of partying throughout her life. Indeed, she may be still in her 20s, but going out every single night has taken drastic effect on the vitality of her facial and bodily features. She’s the type of girl you don’t have to approach/ All the communication you need with them can be narrowed down to a single gesture.
She’s probably a guzzler too. You’ll know her by the questionably high frequency of her bathroom trips. You’ll gladly pass any offer from her unless you are really that hungry.
6.The Barbie Girl
The type of lady who will slap any guy who tries to dance with her. Either she’s super wealthy or her parents are. This girl most likely has her own table and is dressed in fashion that’s a season in advance. She is usually cold to strangers, but possesses an extremely friendly side that appears when with her friends.
She thinks she’s too good for everyone too. She is most likely in a bitchy mood without reason and is certainly the most annoying girl there. She will sicken you with her air of unjustified arrogance and will claim to only drink expensive stuff, almost as if she expects there to be paparazzi and a red carpet rolled out for her upon her arrival.
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