Work-life balance: top executives give advice

Work/life balance is at best an elusive ideal and at worst a complete myth, today’s senior executives will tell you.

But by making deliberate choices about which opportunities they’ll pursue and which they’ll decline, rather than simply reacting to emergencies, leaders can and do engage meaningfully with work, family and community.

In this article we draw on five years’ worth of interviews with almost 4,000 executives worldwide, conducted by students atHarvard Business School, and a survey of 82 executives in a Harvard Business School leadership course. Their stories and advice reflect five main themes.

DEFINING SUCCESS FOR YOURSELF

When you are leading a major project, you determine early on what a win should look like. The same principle applies to leading a deliberate life: You have to define what success means to you.

Some intriguing gender differences emerged in our survey data.

In defining professional success, women place more value than men do on individual achievement, having passion for their work, receiving respect and making a difference, but less value on organisational achievement and ongoing learning and development.

A lower percentage of women than of men list financial achievement as an aspect of personal or professional success. Rewarding relationships are by far the most common element of personal success for both sexes, but men list merely having a family as an indicator of success, whereas women describe what a good family life looks like to them.

Many women said that the most difficult aspect of managing work and family is contending with cultural expectations about mothering.

One commented, “When you are paid well, you can get all the (practical) help you need. What is the most difficult thing, though — what I see my women friends leave their careers for — is the real emotional guilt of not spending enough time with their children. The guilt of missing out.” Both men and women associated personal success with not having regrets.

MANAGING TECHNOLOGY

Nearly all the interviewees talked about how critical it is to corral their emails, text messages, voice mails and other communications. Deciding when, where and how to be accessible for work is an ongoing challenge, particularly for executives with families.

Many of them cautioned against using communications technology to be in two places at once, insisting on the value of undivided attention.

When it comes to technology in the home, more than a third of the surveyed executives view it as an invader, and about a quarter see it as a liberator.

Their advice in this area is quite consistent: Make yourself available but not too available to your team; be honest with yourself about how much you can multitask; build relationships and trust through face time; and keep your inbox under control.

BUILDING SUPPORT NETWORKS

Across the board, senior executives insisted that managing family and professional life requires a strong network of behind-the-scenes supporters.

Even interviewees without children said they needed support at home when they became responsible for aging parents or suffered their own health problems.

Emotional support is equally essential. Like anyone else, executives occasionally need to vent when they’re dealing with something crazy or irritating at work, and friends and family are a safer audience than colleagues.

Support at work matters, too. Trusted colleagues serve as valuable sounding boards. And many leaders reported that health crises - their own or family members’ — might have derailed their careers if not for compassionate bosses and co-workers.

TRAVELLING OR RELOCATING SELECTIVELY

When leaders decide whether to travel or relocate, their home lives play a huge part. Many women reported cutting back on business trips after having children, and several executives of both sexes said they had refused to relocate when their children were adolescents.

Female executives are less likely than men to be offered or accept international assignments, in part because of family responsibilities but also because of the restrictive gender roles in certain cultures or perceptions that they are unwilling to relocate. International assignments are not easy for anyone, and they may simply not be worth it for many executives.

COLLABORATING WITH YOUR PARTNER

Leaders also emphasised the importance of complementary relationships. Many said how much they value their partners’ cognitive and behavioral skills that balance out their own tendencies. And many consider emotional support the biggest contribution their partners have made to their careers.

The fact that the interviewees all agreed to take time from their hectic schedules to share their insights with students might introduce a selection effect.

This sample is an elite group of people better positioned than most to achieve work/life balance. That they nevertheless consider it an impossible task suggests a sobering reality for the rest of us. It remains to be seen whether, and how, that reality can be changed for tomorrow